Spirit & Quest
When I woke up on Friday, I raised my head to check on Spirit. I saw big ears and a pretty face looking at me. I put my head back down to wake up a little more and then it occurred to me that it was not Spirit's face I had seen. I looked again and discovered it was Quest. He never takes Spirit's bed, so I got up to investigate. He was laying on Spirit's bed, sharing it with him.. I motioned him to stay and got my camera. The picture above is of these wonderful brothers who just cared for each other so very much.
Quest had begun sleeping with Spirit this last week. I feared that I knew what that meant and sadly I was right. The end was approaching.
Quest and Spirit had a magnificent friendship and they have always looked out for each other. They did not share a bed though, until this last week. Quest stayed by Spirit's side so much more than usual and he only played with the young guys for brief periods of time. It seemed that almost all of his attention was directed at Spirit. I could see that Spirit appreciated it.
On the weekend of April 9 & 10 we had gone to a dog show. It was Journey's first show. We all go to events together. That is one of the best things about having a little motor home. Everyone can enjoy their own level of envolvement. Spirit loved the motor home. He had his own seat, which is a plywood platform with legs on the front end. It covers the passenger seat, the space in front of the seat and even extends the width of the seat. I cover it with folded blankets and though it belonged to Spirit he willingly shared it with Quest. He even began sharing with Pirate during the last year.
"Quesy get off of me"
Spirit enjoyed the agility trials and the shows. I would take him for several walks during the day and he enjoyed walking around at the various fair grounds where we sometimes camped over the weekend. He liked to watch agility trials. If the afternoons got long he could enjoy a kong stuffed with peanut butter and Charlie Bears. He had water and comfortable beds where he could nap. I usually parked where he had a view of dogs walking past his window.
On Sunday I was packing up to head home and I discovered a growth on the underside of Spirit's tail. It was about marble size and the reason I saw it is because it had ruptured and was bleeding. I was very worried and planned to take him in to see the vet on Monday.
We all love Dr. Moore. I am especially sad that he is going to be moving to Chicago. He will be working at the University of Illinois, pursuing the line of veterinary medicine that he is most interested in. He will be leaving this summer. I am glad for him, in that he will be doing what he loves, but I am sure feeling sorry for us. He is a wonderful vet.
When we arrived at the hospital Spirit walked comfortably into the waiting room and greeted the staff. He strolled back to the scale and stepped on, standing very still while they got his weight.. At age 14 he knows what to do. Then we went back into the exam room to wait for Dr. Moore. Spirit listened carefully. He knew Dr. Moore's step and when the door opened his ears lay back in welcome.
Dr. Moore sits on the floor with my dogs. He does a lot of ear rubbing and they just seem to love listening to him talk. He has known Spirit and Quest since we moved to Washington in 2006. We have all come to trust him and truly appreciate his kindness and his skills. He knows Spirit well and not long ago I asked him to please help me determine when it was time to let Spirit go. I wanted to be certain I did not try to keep him going just for me. Most of all I did not want him to suffer when the quality of his life was no longer there.
When Dr. Moore found a lump, at a previous visit, we discussed the options. We could biopsy it, and if it was cancer he could remove it. Or he could just remove it without bothering with the biopsy, since removing it would be the course of action either way. The problem was that Spirit was 14 years old and we both felt that surgery was not an option, nor would the follow up treatment for cancer be an option for a dog his age. I just could not put him through that at this time in his life. Even if he got through it, he would most likely have spent the last period of his life recovering from surgery. He had enough of that.
Dr. Moore believes that many tests are run on animals mainly for the vets curiosity. If the test results are not going to change the treatment then there is probably no reason to run them. Most forms of testicular cancer are very slow growing and both Dr. Moore and his associate felt that even if the lump was cancer it would most likely not be what would end his life. We decided at that time that Spirit would not be put through any more surgery. He has had so many problems in his life. He had total hip replacements on both sides. One failed after over five years and had to be done again. Then he had three ruptured disks in his back repaired. Twice he had to have fox tails removed from his poor, sweet nose. He just had way too much for one guy and we decided to rule out any more. I did not want his last days spent recuperating from surgery.
Dr. Moore listed the options. We could biopsy the growth and/or remove it. We could x-ray and see how big it was and if the fibrous tissue extended to the prostate as he thought it might. He suspected that the growth had been there a while and just erupted, which is when I noticed it. The fibrous tissue ran fairly deep, nearly to the perineum area. Removal would not be easy and there would be a possibility that he would not have been able to control his bowels after surgery.
We opted to treat him with hydrotherapy twice a day and give him antibiotics. It was our hope that the antibiotics would heal the site and he would have more good time. Dr. Moore cleaned the wound and bandaged it . He topped it lightly with a blue athletic wrap. This gave Spirit the look of a jumping horse with his tail wrapped. Kind of sporty and Spirit did not seem to mind it at all.
The wound on his tail dried and seemed to get smaller, but the underlying area did not improve - it got larger. Then Dr. Moore discovered the mass in his prostate. He still did not seem in pain other than his arthritis, for which he took regular pain medication. Dr. Moore began re-wrapping his tail and I commented that I had only been able to find beige athletic wrap. When he came back in the exam room he brought three rolls of wrap, bright blue, purple and pale blue. He sat them next to Spirit so he could choose. Spirit reached out and clearly chose the bright blue. After wrapping his tail, Dr. Moore gave us the remainder of the bright blue roll to take home. (Now that is a great vet!) He also gave us Spirit's treat which he will never eat until we get home.. He touches it with his nose and then pokes my pocket to tell me to put it there for later.
A week passed and we went back to see Dr. Moore yesterday, on Saturday. The mass in his prostate was larger and painful.... the question I had not yet asked was answered in Dr. Moore's expression.
Spirit was bright and alert. He had opinions on everything and he expressed them without any encouragement. This was the only way he would want to live. I knew I could not let him endure any more or watch him go downhill. With his head in my arms he rested peacefully until he was gone. I love this dog with every fiber of my being. If I could have saved him for a year or two there is nothing I would not have tried to accomplish it. But it was just not possible and I knew he was ready.
Quest taking care of Spirit.
Spirit's pretty blue bandage.
I held him for a while after he was gone and kept talking to him, just in case he could hear me. Because I had not thought I would be leaving him, I had the other guys in the car. Dr. Moore suggested letting them say goodbye. I have heard of that, but had not really formed an opinion of whether I wanted to do that. I didn't feel certain that it would benefit them. I listened to his opinion. He said from what he had seen, it did truly benefit the other dogs. Spirit was covered with a nice blanket up to his neck. He looked like he was peacefully sleeping. I brought Quest in and he gently touched his brothers nose and his eyes. He walked around Spirit and sniffed him through the blanket. He then walked to my side and leaned on me. I put him back in the car and brought Pirate in. He did about the same as Quest. I guess I feared they would freak out or exhibit a lot of stress. They did not. They were calm and very serious. When I brought Journey in he lowered down in his typical submissive greeting position - to the alpha male. He gave Spirit's nose a tiny kiss and then he was ready to leave.
Quest was sitting in the passenger seat when I got in the car. The alpha seat. He placed his foot on my arm and I drove us home. The tears have not stopped much since. I know it was the right thing to do and I am so glad he is no longer in pain. I hope there will be a time when I am not. Right now I can hardly imagine life without him. We were partners and soul mates. We understood each other without words. If he saw me crying he would have kissed me until he made me laugh.
Quest and Pirate are a little subdued and actually, Journey was a little subdued also, last night. Today he is being Journey again, acting as a puppy should and Pirate is joining in. It will take a little longer for Quest and me. We will get better. We have each other and we had a great teacher who taught us all the wisdom he knew and showed us what is really worthwhile in life. We will always, always miss our great Spirit.
